Resolving Family Fights Over Wedding Plans

By Bridget Mora

There is nothing like planning a wedding to bring a family together…or to tear it apart! What should be a joyous time in a couple’s life can take an ugly turn when they are attacked by their parents, siblings, and friends over the way they are planning their wedding. From money to bridal parties and more, here are some practical tips on resolving family fights over wedding plans.

Money is probably the number one thing that families fight about when it comes to a wedding. It usually comes down to one of two scenarios: either the bride’s parents are paying for most of the event and want total control, or the couple is paying…and their parents still want total control! When it comes to scenario number one, remember the old adage that money talks. If you want Mom and Dad to foot the bill for your wedding, be prepared to give them a lot of say in the proceedings. That is not to say, however, that the bride and groom should have no input into their own wedding, just that you need to be prepared to cede a lot of the choices to your parents if they are picking up the tab.

On the other hand, when the bride and groom are paying their own way, creative control will rest largely in their hands. The most frustrating scenario is when the couple is on a tight budget, yet constantly receives ‘suggestions’ from their parents for things that they cannot afford. If you are on a beer budget and your mother is insisting that you serve French Champagne, all you can do is make it clear to her that you are planning the most elegant wedding possible with the funds you have. You might also mention that if she wanted to pay for the Champagne (limos for the entire family, engraved invitations, etc.) that you would be happy to include her idea in the wedding. That is usually enough to get the offending party to back off!

The bridal party can also be a cause of family squabbles. Do you have to have your sister as your maid of honor even though you are not close? Actually, yes. Your best friend will likely understand that your parents are forcing you to have your sister as your maid of honor, but the chances are that your sister will not be as forgiving if you choose a friend over her. Another option is to have two honor attendants. Make them both feel important by giving them special bridesmaid jewelry as gifts. Choose bridesmaid jewelry for each honor attendant that is either the same or clearly of equal value to avoid any accusations of playing favorites.

A lot of family issues can be caused by differing tastes or interpretations of what is ‘proper’ for a wedding. It may be that your mom thinks a strapless gown is totally inappropriate for church or that she thinks a cash bar is fine and you think it is tacky. A good way to negotiate with your family can be to bring in a third party who supports you. If the minister of your church tells your mom that strapless gowns are completely commonplace and acceptable, his words will carry a lot more weight than your own. As for the cash bar, pull out a page from your favorite wedding etiquette book and let the official guide be the one to point out why it is a poor idea.

Of course, compromise is another key to happy family relations. The bride and groom should let their families win a few battles to keep the peace, if at all feasible. Pick out two bridesmaid dresses and give your jealous sister the final choice or let your bossy mother-in-law design the floral arrangements for the altar. As much as you want your wedding to reflect your own taste and style, you also have to live with both of your families long after the wedding day has come and gone. That is why it is worth it to iron out your differences, even if it means giving up some of the control over the event.

About the Author: Bridget Mora writes for Silverland Jewelry about weddings, relationships, and etiquette. At http://silverlandjewelry.com/ we handcraft beautiful and affordable bridesmaid jewelry that your attendants will love. All jewelry orders over $99 receive free shipping.

Source: isnare.com

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